


maybe then (you’d want me just as much)

by classichysteria



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, hopeless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/classichysteria/pseuds/classichysteria
Summary: He never thought he’d be the one admiring a boy he’d never reach.or the one where rian is hopelessly in love with alex, who is of course, married to lisa.
Relationships: Alex Gaskarth/Lisa Ruocco, Rian Dawson/Alex Gaskarth, Rian Dawson/Cassadee Pope (Previously)
Kudos: 5





	maybe then (you’d want me just as much)

**Author's Note:**

> title from girl crush by little big town !
> 
> :) was listening to the harry bbc cover and thought i’d write a quick fic based on it, this is complete fiction and i don’t own the all time low boys.

_The camera panned over, “I’m Rian, I’m sixteen years old and this is my best friend Alex.”_

Rian watched his past self, years of success awaiting him. He watched a dorky teenage boy fixated on another, he watched the smaller Rian lean into Alex, hold onto him for dear life for no apparent reason.

Rian didn't understand it much, well, that was a lie. He understood it because he was a thirty-two year old man and in his thirty-two years he'd had his fair share of schoolboy crushes. The reason he told himself he didn't understand was because it had taken him over fifteen years to develop this schoolboy crush.

He said develop because it was always there, it had just never been more than Rian acting like Alex’s shadow.

It was a spring morning, cool and breezy. Rian was just waking up in his bunk, the chatter of his friends filled the air. He pulled himself up, which wasn't too difficult, he was happy to be awake considering it was summer touring season. Festival season. His favourite time of year. He sat on the edge of his bunk, lost in his thoughts for mere seconds before Alex came bounding towards him.  
"Ri! Ri! Do you like my hair! It's pink now! Touch it!" He was practically jumping up and down at the prospect of showing his friend his freshly dyed pink locks.  
Rian laughed, pushing his hand into Alex's hair. It was soft and it smelt more than nice. He could probably stand here like this forever.  
"It matches Lisa's!" He smiled, Rian felt a pang of pain in his chest.  
He gave him a smile before he turned on his heel to go show Zack.

It didn't take long before Rian was zoning out thinking about the sensation of running his fingers through Alex's fine hair. 

They were at dinner, a restaurant somewhere in the US, just off a stop at the Vans Warped Tour. Rian was sat next to Jack, across from Alex. He could feel himself staring slightly too much. He concentrated on little details of the pink haired boy, details no one else paid much attention to. 

Rian watched as Alex dropped his fork and threw his head back when someone said something particularly funny, he watched him fix his fringe afterwards. Long, slender fingers brushing through thin pink hairs, pastel painted nails shining just right in the restaurant light. With his focus on Alex he nearly screamed when Jack asked him why he wasn't speaking, he stuttered. He couldn't explain that all he cared about was the married man sat across from him, the man who's wife was entering the restaurant door that exact second.  
Jack waved excitedly, as he always did. There was never a dull moment with him, usually his loud, larger than life personality would have everyone captivated. Wether because he was funny and entertaining or he was seconds away from breaking something. But Rian barely looked at Jack. Alex was all who could keep his attention.

He watched Lisa, watched her curled pink hair, brushed to perfection, watched as she sat beside Alex. He kissed her cheek, displaying how god awfully perfect they were. How god awfully perfect she was.  
"Your perfume's nice today, Lis." Alex smiled, continuing with his meal. Lisa catching up with Jack across from her.  
Alex was right, Lisa did smell nice, but not like he did. Alex was warm. Homely. Rian couldn't lie and say he didn't have a hoodie or two of Alex's. It wasn't unordinary, every member had stolen clothes from another. But Rian was different. He can't remember a time he washed a hoodie of Alex's or wore it on a normal day, a day where he wasn't studying Alex. Or Lisa for that matter. Taking in the things Lisa had that he hadn't, the things he wished he had because maybe then he wouldn't be so fucked realising he had a crush on his best friend.

Ashley and Zack had suggested they take a walk to the beach in the setting summer sun, Jack jumped at the idea of getting to practice his photography skills. Rian walked behind Alex, dark brown eyes fixated on the pink haired boy's slight curves. The way his jeans hugged his hips and his thighs. His eyes drifted towards Lisa as he thought of himself. He didn't look like that. He didn't necessarily like that and he definitely didn't want that but in theory, if he had that, then maybe it would be him Alex had his arm around.  
Every time Jack caught his eye, the younger boy would give him a smile, almost knowing he needed somebody for him. Jack slowed down, slipping in beside Rian.  
"Do you miss her?" He asked.  
Rian didn't quite process his question until a few seconds later. He was asking about Cass.  
"Maybe." He said, unsure of himself.  
"I think you do, Ri." Jack gave a sad smile and put his arm around his shoulder.

Their trip to the beach ended up being pretty fun, playing football on the sand and all. Rian was just mildly frustrated with the fact Alex seemed funnier than usual. It was no secret Rian always paid most attention to Alex, watch any interview and Rian will 100% interact with Alex the most and if he's without Alex there's no doubt he'll mention him. 

Life for the past seventeen or so years had been a constant battle between he, Jack and Lisa for the attention of the fair-haired boy. Jack was different from Rian however, Jack was his best friend. Oldest friend. Rian was his close friend who had just happened to always be infuriated by him. In awe forever, heart eyes forever understating the way Rian Dawson looked at Alex Gaskarth.  
With the hyperactivity of Jack and his never ending love for Lisa, Rian felt like an outsider. He just wanted to be in Lisa's position because otherwise he'd be watching from the sidelines forever.

The sidelines being sat on a rock at a beach, a half empty can of White Claw resting in his grasp as he watched Alex lay on a beach towel with Lisa on his chest. Every so often she'd laugh and he'd run a hand through her hair. He just wanted to make Alex smile, to make Alex laugh like Alex made him laugh. Rian always felt the upmost sense of accomplishment when his jokes so much as made Alex smirk. It wasn't difficult, anyone would tell you that. Alex was soft and kind and anything made him giggle. And anything the boy did made Rian melt.

Soundcheck was earlier the following morning, Rian was on “getting Alex up” duty and had taken to poking the older boy in the cheek. After what felt like the eightieth poke without a response Rian just sat on the edge of his bunk and watched him. He watched as his chest rose and fell, studied the way his lips were slightly parted. Alex hadn’t really changed much in their friendship, he had matured slightly and his personality had changed minuscule amounts but his skin hadn’t aged a day. It was soft to the touch and his stubble was light gracing his jawline, he brushed Alex’s hair off his forehead, imagining what it would be like to wake up next to him everyday. To be the one to kiss him good morning and to wrap his arms around his waist early on a weekend just to fall back asleep in seconds. He wondered how Alex was in the mornings he spent at home with Lisa, he tried to picture in his head what they acted like back in Baltimore.  
Alex finally began to stir and Rian had to snap out of his awestruck trance.  
“Al, you’re late.” He laughed, Alex smiled at him and his heart melted. The crimes he would commit to be Lisa Gaskarth.

Rian was thankful for the jokes they had within the band, the way Jack and Alex would joke about sex the moment shipping was mentioned and Alex did this with Rian too. He playfully kissed him, told him he looked great and Rian being the fool he was, took these moments and held them close because this would be as close as he got.

The show went well, Jack carrying the humour and chat as usual. He kept the crowd alive. Most jokes bounced off Alex, however. They were a pair. They were the frontmen. They did everything together, if All Time Low needed a pair for a press event, it was Jack and Alex. Alex and Jack. Never in a million years would it be Rian and Alex. Things just don’t work like that. Even if they did work like that, Jalex was the most popular pairing in the band. It would work best for publicity. Rian’s stupid wishes were the last of anyone’s worries, not that anyone knew those wishes.

Things almost got worse for Rian when Lisa was gone and the final leg of the Summer Ever After tour was underway. Alex was moping, whining about the absence of his wife and it was driving nearly all who knew him absolutely mad, well it was driving Rian mad. Because he had only mentioned her a few times, Rian was just sad. 

It was dark, it was quiet bar Zack’s snoring and the constant drone of the bus engine. Rian was sat in the back lounge, doing nothing but staring out the window aimlessly. Things were better long ago, when Alex wasn’t head over heels for Lisa. When Rian could climb in with him in the middle of the night and he wouldn’t oblige. He’d cuddle him close and run his fingers through his stupid hair and sometimes even laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of Rian’s wannabe surfer curls.  
It really did hurt him to think Alex had forgotten these memories, the small moments together Rian had collected over the years in an attempt to feed the monster in his head. 

“Ri?” A voice said, approaching him from the darkness of the desolate bunk corridor.  
“Jack?” Rian answered.  
“Her?” He asked, sitting himself down beside his friend.  
“Not exactly..” Rian’s words dragged off towards the end.  
“What’s up man?” Despite his loud exterior and his “party guy” identity, Jack was caring and never wanted anyone to be sad for even a second.  
“Mmm, can you keep a secret, Jay?” Rian turned away from the bustling late night traffic to look the younger boy in the eyes.  
“Yeah.” Jack said, trying to focus on Rian’s face which was difficult in the darkness.  
He breathed in, running a hand through his hair, “I have a crush on Alex.” Suddenly they both felt as if it was ninth grade again. Except their was less hope and more mild panic.  
“You...” Jack gestured, unsure of what to say.  
“Like Alex and only Alex and my brain is going to fucking explode, why yes Jack!” Rian whisper-screamed. The severity of the situation hitting him in the face like a bus.  
Jack was taken aback by Rian’s statement, wether it was what he considered the insanity of it or the fact someone he only ever saw smile looked like he was so frustrated he was going to break a window.  
“I’m sorry, I just, really don’t know what to do.” Rian looked as if he would break any second.  
Jack just pulled him into a hug, they both knew that Rian was suffering from the deepest form of unrequited love. Pouring his heart and soul out for a married man, a man who’d never look at him as more than the boy he met in high school who plays drums in his band.

Rian never considered himself the jealous type but he could feel the envy towards the pink-haired girl seep through his veins but who blamed him?

_He thought to himself, I’m Rian and I’m thirty-two years old and I’m in love with Alex._


End file.
